Left to right: Sandra Carreras, James NeSmith, Alicia Alleman, Karen Cimorelli

The challenges and joys of being a seminary spouse

James Woods NeSmith

James Woods NeSmith gave up a good job he's held for 16 years and got an even better one in the Philadelphia area. He also bakes bread in his spare time for seminary worship services of Holy Communion. Once used to small town life in North Carolina, "Woods" as he is known, has latched on to life in the city and loves Philadelphia Orchestra concerts in the new Kimmel Center. He's married to seminarian Marda Messick.

Karen Cimorelli co-leads a support group for seminarian spouses and worked until recently as an office manager. After a layoff, she admits she doesn't miss the 75-minute commute to Tabernacle, NJ, each day. She isn't hunting for a new job due to the uncertainty of the call location for husband, Matt, after commencement this May. Rather, she's enjoyed reading and spending more time with daughter, Jillian, 8, helping her master the art of riding a two-wheeler.

Alicia Alleman arrived on campus several years ago with new seminarian and spouse, Tim, only 12 days after their honeymoon. Since then she's learned a lot about who she is and polished her skills as a public relations specialist while working at the seminary. After growing up in a small town in Northwestern Pennsylvania, she's learned to adapt to the city.

Sandra Carreras

Sandra Carreras exchanged the balmy breezes of Puerto Rico for the wintry winds of Philadelphia and learned to juggle two part-time jobs, keeping things in order in the seminary mailroom and managing accounts payable for the school's Business Office. She hopes that she and spouse, Jose Escalera, will be able to return to Puerto Rico after Jose receives a call.

The quartet, all married to senior students, are four of the seminary's many student spouses, some younger, some older, with wide ranges of professional skills and experience. Together the spouses of seminarians contribute vibrant vitality to seminary campus life, and they draw much of their strength from the support they give to each other and from the depth of spiritual life they have discovered at the seminary.

Alicia Alleman

"I've been impressed with the level of faith people have here," Alleman says. She is a Baptist, and Tim is a Lutheran. "I think LTSP is a highly spiritual place, and I think that sets it apart from many other educational settings."

Cimorelli describes her years on the campus as a "get real experience…I think outside the campus many have the feeling that this is a 'holier-than-thou' place. But the seminarians and others here are real people who are being formed spiritually. No one here has all the answers." She refers to the dramatic change in campus life since her Dad, Pastor Paul Strockbine attended a generation ago. "It was totally male then," she says. "Now people come with their families."

Once employed at the Duke University Medical Center, Woods had "no idea" he would find an even better job working for clinics run by the A.I. DuPont Children's Hospital. He's a technician in the area of pediatric cardiology and works with children. Woods is an Episcopalian. His wife is a Lutheran.

Carreras acknowledges the move to the mainland U.S. was a big adjustment, but she touts the role of seminary spouses in the classes ahead of hers for making the transition a smooth one.

What are the greatest challenges for seminary spouses?

"When I first arrived, I was new to the environment. I'd never lived in the city," Cimorelli recalls. "There was so much to learn about how to get around, how the community works. Spouses don't attend classes, so at first you can tend to feel isolated. You've really uprooted your life to come here, and you have to adjust to the process. Will he be endorsed (by a candidacy committee)? Where will you go to be on internship? Will he be approved for ordination? You experience the same tensions as the students do."

Alleman says in the beginning "things seemed up in the air constantly. You move a lot – onto the campus, then onto internship, then back to the campus." She says it becomes a challenge to deal with classwork pressures. "You have to figure out how not to bother your spouse in the middle of studies but also how to spend time with him." For newlyweds, it wasn't easy. But on internship, Alleman says, she and Tim learned a lot about how to balance their lives together. While they served the internship year at St. Luke Lutheran Church, Cumberland, MD, Alleman says she learned a lot about her own identity from Margaret Yelovich, the spouse of Tim's supervisor. "She helped me to better understand who I am and what I can be," she said.

The toughest part for "Woods," as he is known, was "learning how to be a seven-days-a-week bachelor," he says. "My wife spends a lot of time in front of a computer. She works very hard. We had to figure out how to find time for each other when we are both not exhausted." On the day of an interview, Woods spent well over an hour commuting home from work. It's also been a challenge to have "family 1,000 miles away." He misses adult children Daniel and Carlton.

Woods and Cimorelli noted they "had to give up a lot" to move to seminary. Woods talked about selling a house they will not likely return to in North Carolina.

"We weren't sure we could do it financially," Cimorelli admits. They didn't sell their house in New Jersey, but were able to rent it. "We didn't know how we could afford it, but somehow each step of the way things have worked out." She says she and Matt have taken out loans to finance seminary education and hope to have the loans paid off before Jillian goes to college.

Carreras says the financial challenges have been significant. But she brought with her the aptitude to juggle two important job roles -- in the mailroom and in handling the accounts payable routine, working closely with Curtis Haynes, the seminary's chief operating officer. Income from the two jobs helped greatly.

The pluses?

"There are a lot of wonderful people here, different kinds of folks who all understand what is going on with you," Cimorelli says. "Mt. Airy is a great place. It's really home to Jillian. We've gotten to know her friends and their parents." Jillian attends nearby Holy Cross Parochial School.

One of Jillian's good buddies is Sandra Carreras's son, Alejandro, 7. Alejandro is also a pupil at Holy Cross. "Jillian and Alejandro hang out a lot together," Carreras says.

Woods says that during the 2 ˝ years he has lived in Mt. Airy "we've made friends forever. I guess I fear leaving in a way, that the place where we go will not be as close-knit as the seminary community." He likes the multicultural setting of Mt. Airy. "I've been to New York five times," he says. Woods has audited two courses, one on the essentials of Anglicanism, another on the Anglican Prayer Book. "Professors here like Gordon Lathrop and Erik Heen really talk to me. We have good discussions. I've read a lot of books, and my education about faith has grown considerably." Cimorelli agrees. "As a spouse here you soon learn that you are a theologian too. What you say has value and is respected."

Alleman says the internship year was a special highlight of the seminary experience. "My job has been a real highlight too," she says. Alleman has been editorial associate in the Communications Office during most of her days on campus. "I appreciate the chance I have to interact with so many people of faith here and with the staff," she says. Gradually, Alicia and Tim have explored the city's resources, shopping in places like Ardmore, going to the Art Museum, visiting the Farmer's Market in nearby Chestnut Hill.

Cimorelli has taken Jillian to the Franklin Institute and the Please Touch Museum for children, and the Cimorellis have enjoyed nights out dining downtown at Bella Mia, an Italian restaurant in South Philadelphia. "Philadelphia's a fun place to be," Cimorelli says.

Carreras says a real plus has been the social time spent with other seminarians and their spouses. "We go to the movies, museums, to Phillies games," she says. "We know we are all going through the same things, and being with each other gives us a lot of support." The social times, Carreras says, make up for the challenging times when Jose is immersed in studying, writing papers or writing a sermon. "I know why Jose is here," she says with a smile. "He is here to study and prepare to be a pastor. I know he needs the space to do that, and Alejandro understands that too."

An interesting part of the journey has been noticing the perceptions people have on the outside about seminary life, Cimorelli says. She has been asked where she lives at the seminary, and when she replies, "In an apartment," people are sometimes surprised. "I think they believe the seminary is a monastery," she smiles.