Helping Children Cope with Disaster

The Rev. Dr. Pamela Cooper-White, Associate Professor of Pastoral Theology

*REMEMBER: MUCH OF WHAT CHILDREN NEED AT THIS TIME IS WHAT WE ALL NEED, ALSO!!

1. Talk about feelings: Allow children to express their feelings about what has happened. Reassure them that their feelings are normal reactions to an abnormal event. Drawing pictures may help. Children may need to talk about the same reactions repeatedly.
A note about your own feelings: Share your own feelings as calmly as possible. This lets children know that it is normal and healthy to have feelings at a time like this. However, do not turn to your children for support for your own feelings--they need to know the adults in their life are strong and can keep them safe at this time. Do get support for yourself from appropriate friends, adult family members, and professionals, as needed, and you will be better able to give support to children and others who may be in your care.

2. Need for safety: Reassure children that they are safe and they are loved. Children especially now need to feel that adults are still in charge and can keep them safe and secure. Even if you feel the world is an unsafe place, you can say "The event is over. Now we'll do everything possible to stay safe, and together we can help get things back to normal."

3. Honest information: Be honest with children about what has happened, and provide facts in as brief and non-sensational way as possible. Answer questions as honestly and briefly as possible, using words and concepts they can understand. (Remember that the younger the child, the less detail is needed.) Do not give more information than the child is asking for. Make sure your answers are understood, since confusion may increase the child's fear, worry or anxiety. Expect and be patient with repetitions of the same questions, as children try to absorb the information.
A note on "why" questions: "Why" questions usually arise from a child's need to impose some sense of order on a disordered situation. A good answer to "why" questions is one that helps the child make sense out of apparent chaos, craziness and evil, such as, "There are some people who do very bad things. They may be angry about something and think this is a good way to get attention." An answer to "Why did God let this happen?" is similar (adjust this to fit your own theological views in developmentally appropriate language): "God gave us all the freedom to choose to do right or wrong. Some people choose to do very wrong things. But God is with us just the same, and God is helping to heal everyone who is in trouble."
A note on media exposure: Limit exposure to media coverage of the disaster, especially visual images and sounds such as buildings crumbling or people crying or screaming--this can lead to secondary traumatization. It is better not to allow children under age 11 or 12 to view television news coverage. If your children watch television, monitor their viewing, limiting it to as non-violent children's programming as possible.

4. Reinforce structure and routines: Help children return to as normal a routine as possible. Structures such as mealtimes, homework, bedtime routines, etc., should be adhered to even more regularly than you might normally do. Make sure your child knows where you are, how to reach you, and be ultra-reliable about schedules, doing what you say you will do, etc. Structure and routines will reinforce the child's sense of safety, predictability, and normalcy.

5. Make time to be together: Spend extra time with your child, especially doing something fun or relaxing for both of you. (Do not feel guilty about "having fun"--you and your child both need it!)

6. Stay close: Remember the importance of touch. Hugs will be important now. Accept that children may regress or show greater dependency needs at this time. Accommodate needs for more hugs, keeping the night light on, not sleeping alone, or returning to a special blanket or teddy bear. Don't mind their clingy behavior.

7. Stay in touch with teachers and care-givers. Talk with teachers, baby-sitters, day-care providers, and other adults who may be with the child, so they understand how s/he has been affected. Find out about the school's strategy for discussing the disaster and providing support services, and do not be afraid to communicate with them about your child's needs.

8. Longer-term reactions: Watch for the following signs that may indicate a child needs professional help if these persist longer than about 3 months after the disaster: persistent changes in behavior or academic problems; angry outbursts; nightmares and sleep problems; "repetitive grim play" in which children seem compelled repeatedly to re-enact all or part of the disaster. Involvement with alcohol, drugs, or dangerous risky behavior indicate a need for immediate professional help.

Remember that some children may have delayed reactions days, weeks, or even months later, while some will have no apparent reaction. Different children in the same family may also react very differently. Follow the lead of each child re: what s/he needs from you.

Some helpful web sites about children and disaster response:

http://www.counseling.org/consumers_media/facts_childtrauma.htm

http://www.redcross.org/services/disaster/keepsafe/childtrauma.html
(includes a more detailed developmental breakdown, by age group, of children's typical reactions and how to respond appropriately)

http://orange.schoolpop.com/cgi/hc.cgi
(info from the National Association of School Psychologists)

For more information or support, please don't hesitate to contact Dr. Cooper-White at x7375 or pcooper@ltsp.edu.